Fairy Tales.

I always thought of falling in love as some fairy tale. Like you have some major event were they save you and you live happily ever after. It doesn't work that way though. You could meet your soul mate over the simplest things. If you go to get coffee one day... It could be the person working there.

Life is full of unexplained events, things that make you want to die, things that make you want to cry, and things that you never want to let go of.

I really don't know what to write. Considering my life has been pretty boring lately. No major events have come up.

Caterpillar in the tree
How you wonder who you'll be
Can't go far but you can always dream
Wish you may and wish you might
Don't you worry, hold on tight
I promise you there will come a day
Butterfly fly away.

We all grow up.. It's sad how fast life flies past us. Am I the only one who wonders who I'll be when I grow up? Who I'll love? Who Will Love Me? What My Children will look like? How do we know... I only know that He/She will be beautiful. No Matter how they are I will love them with everything I have. No matter how young I turn out to be I'll never give them away. I will use everything in my power to keep them with me. How could I abandon my child....

Casidania.
Charlie.

Those are my names.. I don't care, they are strong and remind me of that they will be strong. They will grow up with love and know they can depend on me for anything. I will never make them cry. If it is up to me they will smile all the time.

Growing up is hard
but it happens to everyone
We are children ourselves still
but we will watch our own babies grow
Love them with our everything
Then watch them walk away.

Butterfly Fly Away- Miley Cyrus Ft Billy Ray Cyrus.

Happy Birthday Me.

Today is my birthday, I've gotten a lot of "Happy Birthday Kyleigh!"'s. But my boyfriend hasn't said anything to me yet. I haven't even talked to him. Watch when he logs on him completely ignore me. Like I'm not even his girl friend. I'll be alone, I feel alone. I feel idiotic and stupid and retarded.

How can I even let my mind wander into believing that someone LOVES me. Its impossible. I am a bitch. I'm exactly what they tell me, I'm not good enough for anyone. No one. I fall fast and I fall to hard. I cry for days then move on. No one has loved me back, and people lie trough there teeth everyday saying there my "friend". I don't have friends.

I don't deserve friends. They deserve someone better than me. They have people who are better than me. Why they stick by my side through happiness and depression is a mystery to me. I'm unbearable when I get upset, I'm almost always tearing myself down. I wonder if every time they make fun of me they know I'm dieing a little inside. I'm ready to go kill myself, their words hurt so bad.

Stick and bones may break you bones,
But words will never hurt you.

That's a complete lie. Who ever came up with that quote should die in a hole. If that's true, their is something wrong with me. But there is something wrong with me. With who I am. With who I want to be. There is always something wrong with
"Kyleigh Sanchez."
I hate my name. It just shows off my ugliness. Jennifer, or Maria, or Merissa, or Alisa, they all have beautiful names. And look were they are. They're living happy lives with there best friends.

Love will never find me.
Instead I'll sit alone
Regretting so deeply
That I ever let him go.

Eminem- Toy Soldiers.

Sweet Sweet Sounds...

Ive always wanted to learn piano....
It's made me overjoyed when I heard the notes clutter a room, clinging to any emotion you desire. I've always wished I could say I am proud of myself for making beautiful music. For being able to play a variety of songs, no matter what people ask I'd be able to play. It would make me happy to know I had something, something special, that I loved.

The other day my mom scolded me for writing so much. I'm pretty sure she doesn't realize its summer. "You should focus more on your schoolwork." Writing is what keeps me sane, writing what I want to write, writing how I feel. It lets go of the emotions that are unwanted. I think I've explained this all before.

Lately I've been listening to lullaby's, and not ones like Rock a Bye baby. I mean real pieces that make you want to curl up in a ball crying letting go of all those deep thoughts. The kind that make you want to slow dance with the one you love off around your house. The ones that you don't have a choice but to hum along to as it plays, even if there are no words for it you haft to sing.

Bun de dun, dun dun dee, dee dum dun...

Being as emotional as I am I end up crying. Balling my eyes out. Telling everyone I love that I love them, that they ARE special to me, even if I mean nothing to them. Which believe it or not, happens a lot to me. Very few people love me, for who I am. They fall in love with who I pretend to be because I'm scared to show them who I actually am.

If I showed them who I am, they would hate me. I would have no one. Even my family. My family wonders were I got my personality from. I show them who I want to be. Who I wish I was. But who I wish I was, is who I never can be. So I haft to live with my pretend life, hiding my true self.


Bella's Lullaby- Carter Burwhell.