Sweet Sweet Sounds...

Ive always wanted to learn piano....
It's made me overjoyed when I heard the notes clutter a room, clinging to any emotion you desire. I've always wished I could say I am proud of myself for making beautiful music. For being able to play a variety of songs, no matter what people ask I'd be able to play. It would make me happy to know I had something, something special, that I loved.

The other day my mom scolded me for writing so much. I'm pretty sure she doesn't realize its summer. "You should focus more on your schoolwork." Writing is what keeps me sane, writing what I want to write, writing how I feel. It lets go of the emotions that are unwanted. I think I've explained this all before.

Lately I've been listening to lullaby's, and not ones like Rock a Bye baby. I mean real pieces that make you want to curl up in a ball crying letting go of all those deep thoughts. The kind that make you want to slow dance with the one you love off around your house. The ones that you don't have a choice but to hum along to as it plays, even if there are no words for it you haft to sing.

Bun de dun, dun dun dee, dee dum dun...

Being as emotional as I am I end up crying. Balling my eyes out. Telling everyone I love that I love them, that they ARE special to me, even if I mean nothing to them. Which believe it or not, happens a lot to me. Very few people love me, for who I am. They fall in love with who I pretend to be because I'm scared to show them who I actually am.

If I showed them who I am, they would hate me. I would have no one. Even my family. My family wonders were I got my personality from. I show them who I want to be. Who I wish I was. But who I wish I was, is who I never can be. So I haft to live with my pretend life, hiding my true self.


Bella's Lullaby- Carter Burwhell.