My Blog, What else?

He gave me an early answer. Today. He told me he had come up with an answer, and I told him to tell me what he had come up with. Exact words he said this..

"Ok kyleigh Your really nice. And I wanna be friends. But right now. At this point in time. i dont wanna date you. I can tell I will in the future. I promise But right now I don't want a relationship beyond friends with you. but itll happen someday i swear. And i still wanna be friends. But right now as it is I don't wanna ruin anything. itd be good to go out. But i think we could be really really good friends. And I dont wanna ruin that potential. I hope you understand."

It hurt. He was so sweet about it to. I don't know why, I'm positive he doesn't care about me. No one has ever cared about me. I've never trusted anyone enough to let them in, but people seem to put their trust in me. Why was he so nice... Why Couldn't he just say no and let it be at that?

He's still coming to the mall on sunday though. Best part? I'm giving him a ride. How wonderful is that. More days were I pretend I'm okay, but in my mind, i'm dieing. Breaking apart.

As you can tell this christmas eve isn't going so well. My mom is running low on money, but i guess the step dad i hate o so much helped us pull through. I hate him, but if my moms happy because of him I owe him alot.

I got reminded of my favorite dream.. where im in a meadow.. laying down.. singing..

~Todays memory might not be the fondest, but its not something i can regret, i gave it a try, i gave it a try, it didn't work out in my favor, but i did the best that i could, i gave it a try I gave it a try... just as i should.~

I'm not a good writer hah.. I never have been, i like writing though, its more of an outlit than something I wanna be good at. Its to express myself, not to be better than everyone else. Its just what I wanna be doing... all the time. I like the way some words sound together.
Grown and known.

Todays problems have grown..
but its all my fault..
I should have known...
He was not to trust
I let him in to fast.
Take me away noww.

I'm in tears right now, for some reason, its a mystery. I'm listening to Remembering sunday by all time low. I love them, for an unknown reason. Thats the song of the post by the way. Meaning I'm going to be ending this soon. I haven't written this much for a while, and i'm sorry i'm in such a bad mood. It's just the way I am.. I should appreciate what I have... each bad event will turn itself into a good one.. You gotta get through the rain to see a rainbow.. and I can just feel it.. I'm so close to the warmth of the sun.. and the beauty of the colors in the sky. I'm just a heartbeat a way... Time to push away whats holding me back.

Merry Christmas.

Kyleigh.