I hate him...I hate him not...

You've broken my heart before but yet I go on to love you so strongly. At the same time I can't help but hate you with such a passion. It kills me to know that you might now love me. Does it kill you to know that I might not love you? Honestly I don't know what I'm feeling right now. It could be hatred, love, sadness, anger. It makes me feel pathetic to know I barely can recognize my own emotions.

Sad
Mad
Glad
Happy
Depressed
Joy
Sadness
Trust
Disgust
Fear
Anger
Surprise.

Their are so many names for the different things we feel. It's impossible to name them all, we all feel something new everyday, and we really can't imagine how other people feel either. We just guess and hope for the best. What they're feeling might be completely different to how they appear on the outside. Is it just me or do you wonder to about what people are thinking, the second the look at you. Do you wish that even for a minute you could travel inside someones mind to see what they see and to feel what they feel. Their pain is your pain. Their happiness is your happiness. The main emotions I guess would be, Sad, Mad, Happy, Scared.

Sad. We all know the feeling, feeling it at different times for completely different reasons. For me..Well that's kinda personal. But I know when I feel that way I cry, I'll cry for hours and all I want to be is alone. Even though I'm always complaining about how I hate being alone and How i don't want to be alone it feels good to be alone. Somewhere were no one can see you and no one can tell you what to do and what to think where to go where not to go. I wish I had that everyday, But life doesn't call for that now does it?

Happy. A bright smile on your face and laughter bursts out of you uncalled for. When your around your closest friends and your all giggling over inside jokes. Making each other feel so special. When your at the top of the world and nothing can tear you down. Playing catch, having a all night phone conversation with the one you adore. You feel enlightened. Brightened. Happy.

Mad. The feeling that makes you wanna punch somebody in the face till they feel the way you feel. When you can't stand to look at anyone and all you wanna do is punch the wall over and over again so even it might feel the pain you feel. Rage. Trying to transfer that pain to anything else so you don't have so much and it completely takes over your thoughts and then you just... Lose Control.

Scared. God this is an easy one. I'm feeling it right now. Your stomach drops. You go pale. You change your mind. Whatever your thinking goes blank. "I Don't wanna do this anymore." I have my jubilation auditions on Tuesday. I can't help but be scared, nervous.

With my Jubilation I've been practicing long and hard for it. Like i said before. It's really important to me. If i don't get in I'll be crushed. But I won't show it. Obviously I won't That would make everyone right about me. Wouldn't it?

Or would it just prove my point?

I'm a loser.





Song For post..

Breakeven :)