Time for me to grow up.

I don't wanna do this anymore..
I don't wanna be the reason why...
Every time I walk out the door...
I see him die a little more inside..

I wish I knew what they thought of me. What they said about me. If they lied to me. If they liked me. If they loved me. If they despised me. If they wished me dead.


I know what I wish for. I wish for love, safety, passion, and I wish for peace. I seem to have none of the above, I get a joke, I get harm, I get loneliness, and I get hate. "Don't let em tell you you ain't beautiful." Eminem, a good wrapped, a friend of mind. I'll never meet him and I'll never tell him my story. But its good to know that someone who has it even harder, manages to get through life.

For me sometimes I wish I would just die. But honestly, death will never be my solution. I look back at time I throw myself against the wall just for the pain, I sit in a corner and cry, I cry until I fall a sleep and I think about what I seem I'll never obtain.

My family always seems like theirs no love. No caring. When I dream I am in my perfect world, were It doesn't matter that I'm so ugly. Everyone is accepting, there I don't need to cry anymore I sing myself to sleep. I don't wish to die. I don't wish to be hurt. My dream world. If I had my own there. I would be perfect.

No one wants to feel the pain of others. But Its been all I can do. I try pushing away my own pain but in return I get the others person, I listen to the problems. I don't want them to be hurt anymore, but its only me being selfish. I don't want to feel the pain anymore. I try to fix it all. I can't, and all it does is hurt me more. I put this on myself every day. I can't remember when I fixed something for myself. I spend all my time working out ways to have friends, and keep the ones I had, or I spend my days day dreaming about the love others have and the love I wish i had. Me I will never get that love.


But I love to watch others. I love watching others fall in love.

P JHZG KQAB RFG AYLQ KPN.

That's my secret language. I made it a little while ago. I really don't know why I did. But heres how it goes...

H=A
R=B
J=C
M=D
Q=E
V=F
C=G
K=H
P=I
X=J
E=K
A=L
N=M
Z=N
Y=O
B=P
S=Q
T=R
D=S
G=T
F=U
L=V
O=W
W=X
I=Y
U=Z

Unfaithful- Rhianna