I got the best Christmas present I could ask for. I got someone who loves me. I hope he loves me at least. I last updated on Christmas eve.. and i don't know how many days it is after.. and I don't know how many days I've been talking to this boy.. not many.. but it seems like I've known him for years.. his charming words..and his sincerity have me already falling head over heals for him. I can't stand going through this again. I can't take being so worried that he's gonna hurt me. If he hurts me.. I don't know what will happen. I have such an urge to stay closed up.. and just hide. Hide from everything he's putting in front of me, but the other half of me wants to open up and let him in. Let him know everything about me, let him love me, and let me love him. I'm just scared, scared of what could be lies... What could be a mistake. Because guess what side is winning... My dreams about him are so detailed... the one I had tonight.. He sat there and held me. He held me tightly as I gently weeped. He told me that there is no reason to cry, no reason to be upset. Rubbing my back.. thats all it was. I was only asleep for an half an hour, and I hated that I woke up. I barely have slept at all tonight. I know i'm always ranting on about someone.. but I feel so different. I don't feel comfortable but I do at the same time. I feel like he cares. That's never happened before, its so new to me... I'm a hidden angel. When he said that to me, Warm tears went down my cheeks. I looked up and the ceiling and cried in silence, just like i had in the dream. I wish i could hear his voice, touch his skin, feel his lips pressed up against mine, I wish he really could hold me tightly, and tell me that life will be better now that I'm his, and I promised myself that I will make that happen someday.. I don't wanna lose him. I really hope he feels the same way. I love you.. I don't love you... I can't love you.. Why do I love you.. but oh yes I do.. I love you so much.. so much it hurts... I know what a crush is.. but I haven't even seen his face.. I've fallen for his words... Where's the parachute.. I need to slow down.. but the rush is so appealing to me. If I'm falling, I never wanna stop. I wanna stay like this in mid air, looking at the stats shimmering in the sky, with you right by my side. I'm glad I added you, I'm glad I got the courage to ask so many questions, I'm glad you make me feel so good about myself, and for once in my life, I can look at myself and say, "I'm loved." Even if its a lie.. keep pretending. Please just keep pretending.. it hurts so good. Take a knife and slash my wrists, beat me till I fall numb to the floor, I will suffer through nose bleeds, black eyes, broken ribs, bruises, anything you need to do... just to be with you... but.... even if you don't love me... just be happy... so I know that you're okay.. even if you're not with me.

He gave me an early answer. Today. He told me he had come up with an answer, and I told him to tell me what he had come up with. Exact words he said this..

"Ok kyleigh Your really nice. And I wanna be friends. But right now. At this point in time. i dont wanna date you. I can tell I will in the future. I promise But right now I don't want a relationship beyond friends with you. but itll happen someday i swear. And i still wanna be friends. But right now as it is I don't wanna ruin anything. itd be good to go out. But i think we could be really really good friends. And I dont wanna ruin that potential. I hope you understand."

It hurt. He was so sweet about it to. I don't know why, I'm positive he doesn't care about me. No one has ever cared about me. I've never trusted anyone enough to let them in, but people seem to put their trust in me. Why was he so nice... Why Couldn't he just say no and let it be at that?

He's still coming to the mall on sunday though. Best part? I'm giving him a ride. How wonderful is that. More days were I pretend I'm okay, but in my mind, i'm dieing. Breaking apart.

As you can tell this christmas eve isn't going so well. My mom is running low on money, but i guess the step dad i hate o so much helped us pull through. I hate him, but if my moms happy because of him I owe him alot.

I got reminded of my favorite dream.. where im in a meadow.. laying down.. singing..

~Todays memory might not be the fondest, but its not something i can regret, i gave it a try, i gave it a try, it didn't work out in my favor, but i did the best that i could, i gave it a try I gave it a try... just as i should.~

I'm not a good writer hah.. I never have been, i like writing though, its more of an outlit than something I wanna be good at. Its to express myself, not to be better than everyone else. Its just what I wanna be doing... all the time. I like the way some words sound together.
Grown and known.

Todays problems have grown..
but its all my fault..
I should have known...
He was not to trust
I let him in to fast.
Take me away noww.

I'm in tears right now, for some reason, its a mystery. I'm listening to Remembering sunday by all time low. I love them, for an unknown reason. Thats the song of the post by the way. Meaning I'm going to be ending this soon. I haven't written this much for a while, and i'm sorry i'm in such a bad mood. It's just the way I am.. I should appreciate what I have... each bad event will turn itself into a good one.. You gotta get through the rain to see a rainbow.. and I can just feel it.. I'm so close to the warmth of the sun.. and the beauty of the colors in the sky. I'm just a heartbeat a way... Time to push away whats holding me back.

Merry Christmas.

Kyleigh.

AHH! :( ITS SO AMLL

Sorry is this has alot of typo's because its really confusing me the screen is looking really small I just have a lot to say right now, I'm like extremely svcared.

I told you i gave up on Aidan right? Well when he's put me through all this shit I decided it would be better if me and him are just friends.

But theres a new person in my life. OMG SOMEONE OTHER THAN AIDAN? Yes there is. It's different for me to.

I would say his name but i don't wanna make that mistake again. But i did ask him out and he said maybe. and hes gonna tell me yes or no on sunday. I want sunday to come. Like now. Well this is really annoying me so i'll make a second post later today when i figure out how to fix this..?

...

How much do you want my hair? Alot. Of course you do. For once I'm actually happy with the way I look, and life is going decently okay. I never really post anymore, sorry:( I use tumblr sometimes but its just not the same as classic old blogpost. I got this done earlier today, and everyone seems to like it:) Its something new, something.... different, ya know?

Life is a happy thing. It can be. Well not really. ITS ALMOST CHRISTMAS! Hahah off topic but I'm excited, I'm gonna get hair dye to put streaks in my hair 2. I look alot older now, but i guess in a way I am older.

The song of this post is Dying to survive which is really touching to me and helped me in my time of need.
I have nothing to really put as a poem, I've been writing raps lately but they really suck as most of the stuff I do does. :)

Ttyl<3

Some people want it all...

But I don't want nothing it all,
If it aint you baby,
If I aint got you baby..
Some people want diamond rings..
Some just want everythang..
But everythang mean nothing..
If i aint got you...


I shouldn't be ashamed..I have not one reason to be ashamed of who I am.. I am who I am for a reason, and I was put on this world for someone, and when I find that someone I'll look back and laugh on how i was in such of a hurry to find them...

I love you already..

Give up on love..
Then love can come..
and sweep you off your feet.
Like the wind takes the leaves away...

A towel lays on the floor with no purpose.

~
A TOWEL LAYS ON THE FLOOR
WITH NO PURPOSE AT ALL
EXCEPT TO SOAK UP THE BLOOD
A MEMORY I REGRET
A GUN TO YOUR HEAD
IT KILLS ME INSIDE
FOR LETTING MYSELF DESTROY YOU.
~


No i didn't really kill someone. Its just a poem i found... found in my mind. Sometimes I have dreams. Pretty messed up dreams. I'm not going to describe them here... Not now not never. Some things are meant to keep to ourselves.


A second, a minute, a hour, a day, a week, a month, a year.

Time is what really kills us.. Time.

What is so wrong?

People ask me why I'm so depressed all the time. I don't understand what's wrong.. I never understand why I cry. People say I want "attention" that's not what I'm looking for. I just want someone to understand.

Someone to know what i've gone through, and how sometimes life just seems to hard the take. I shouldn't be this way. I'm 12 years old, but everyone hates me. I barely have any friends at all, and the friends I supposedly have want me to kill myself? How is that gonna make me feel better. How is that gonna make me feel loved. How is that gonna give me something to live for.

Sometimes I wonder what its like in church, were god is your savor. Were u feel like someones listening, i never feel like anyone's listening. I see empty walls and no words spoken. A silenced room with cold stares.

I can't tell anymore but I'm crying

I keep being told that I've changed, that everything i was is no more. What am i? I can't figure it out.

Bye for now.. Kyleigh.

Broken Trust and Broken Hearts.

Thanks for breaking my heart.
Thanks for making me stronger.
Thanks for making me hate who I am.
Thanks for telling me I'm not good enough.
Thanks for sticking me in therapy.
Thanks for never caring.
Thanks for leaving me alone.

I'm heartbroken, and worthless, no love no affection, torn to pieces, torn apart, no direction, no heart, gettin old, the world has gone cold, left alone, the wind won't stop blowin, breaking down, can't save me now, i'm out of time, nothing left but this rhyme, its like a crime, that I can't be saved, i can't behave, i can't teach, I can't reach to preach, I can't grab your hand, i'm stuck in the quicksand, my body goes stiff, i'm staring down the cliff, one more step and i'm overboard, maybe i'll wash up on the shore, but i'll keep wanting more, keep wanting more, as there is no love to give, no life to live, more hearts are brakin, more lives are taken, we can save them all, we start off in a crawl, we learn to walk, then we run, run away from the past, cause we know this will never last, i'm done with the games, its just not the same, I'm not like i used to be, I'm no longer me.

Sadly.

~
Pretty isn't good enough,
You have to be gorgeous to get by,
Normal isn't what guys want,
They all want whores,
When the people with the best hearts,
Get the guys who treat them dreadfully,
The girls who can't stand straight,
Get the best guys and all the love,
Sadly for me,
I'm not even pretty,
I'm not normal,
I'm horribly ugly,
and I'm weird as can be,
So I get nobody.
Because to get somewhere in this world,
You have to be stunning and a whore,
Because sadly if you're not,
You got whats left over from them,
and unfortunately if you're me,
you get absolutely nothing.
~

Sorry.

I really should pay more attention to this. It's not like anyone reads it anyway, who wants to hear about the problems a teenage girl ends up going through and how she over comes whatever problem shes thinking of only to gain about 6 more. It weighs down my heart when i can't help everyone in need, I know it's impossible to help EVERYONE, but i seriously wish I could. Because life. Is. Hard.

I think I'm finally over Aidan. I want him a part of my life.. but he honestly doesn't want me there with him. He hates me, and I know he does. He's never liked me but I had some strange illusion that maybe just maybe he could care about me to. But nope, i was oh so wrong, he's "done" with me, I love how he lies to me to. I love how my sister lies to me. I like how no one tells me the fucking truth. It's amazing that I'm so stupid and so idiotic I actually believe people when they talk to me. I hate my sister.

I hate Aidan Broderick.

I can say he ruined my life, he's reminded me that I'm not good enough, that I'm not pretty enough, that I'm annoying, that I'm a bitch, he's called me a whore, and put so much stress on my life. I really wish some guy would come in my life that likes me for who I am, and not who I always pretend to be.

When I'm in a good mood, I'm the best person to be friends with, you just can't piss me off, and its hard for me to become angry at people. Unless you hurt me deeply I rarely get mad. Getting me mad leads to several things.

1. Losing me as a friend
2. A major ass whooping.
3. Life turned into hell.

I'm not in the mood to really tell you what I'm thinking of, because I really don't know anymore. My mind is scrambled I'm a puzzle that no one is willing to put together. It's hard to understand me, unless you really know me, and unless I tell you all my secrets, I'm glued shut.

Did anyone thinks of pliers? I'm pretty sure that could get the book of me open hahah

Well its 1am and I have school tomorrow.. and therapy.. and a school dance. I promise I'll update sooner<3

Believe it or not I love ya guys.
l(Yl_EIGl-l S@N(l-lEZ

Kaiden? Aylegih? Whaa?

Yes, if me and Aidan were dating those would be our couple name. Lol. I wish we were, I really do love him, and I really am deeply obsessed with the boy. He's so adorable <3 UN-RE-SIS-TABLE I tell ya, to bad though I claimed him:) Well that's kinda mean because it means he has not a chance with anyone in the Winchester area. I feel bad, but I love him so much. It would kill me if he was with anyone else. Don't you know the feeling?

~Aidan dating someone I know~
Aidan: I love you!
Girl: I love you 2!
Me: ~dies~

The end.

That wouldn't be to great now would it? I don't think my friends would be happy to attend my funeral, I'm pretty sure Aidan would throw a party and hit on my sister. I wish I was Kelsey sometimes, She has everything I want, and even the few things I need.
Aidan why can't you love me instead? Why am I not good enough? Why can't ANYONE love me? It just isn't fair. I've never had a serious relationship. Aidan is the person I've liked the longest, and yes this post is all about him. If you don't wanna hear about him, then don't read this because every word I say is about him. He's tall and skinny but not to skinny he has chub to him, and his hair goes down to his shoulders, a dark brown, his brown eyes are the only ones I melt into.

I seriously think the meaning for my life is stalking him.

and he texted me.
<3
LOVE ME PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSEEEEEE.

Okay I lied..
I'm gonna talk about the one guy I might like more than Aidan.
Ryan.
Ryan D
Not my ex hahah..
I always fall for the guys that live in a different state, and that breaks my heart because no one wants a long distance relationship. Especially with an ugly girl. Like me. He probably wants someone, like all the girls in his state, I wouldn't know. I can't read minds... well not his mind anyway.

Anyway Library sucks and the font I'm typing in is really making me mad, So I'm cutting this post short even though I have much much more I could say. Cya Guys.
Sincerely,
Kyleigh Jewel Sanchez.

Long Time No see.

I haven't written in a long time. I started thinking and remembered that I had a blog. I've been busy with school lately so sorry for not keeping you guys updated.

I've been facing a lot of problems lately. Thinking harder, about what I say and what I do, I went from careless and excited, to paranoid and alone. My surrounding are always known, I know who's watching, and even who isn't. My eyesight has gotten worse, but when I put on my glasses I see a whole new world. It's like I know what they're thinking when they take a glance at me. "It's her.." I'm her. I'm the girl. The girl everyone knows...

Did I tell you that I met a new girl? Well I couldn't have because I haven't updated since early august. Her names Kristina, and she reminds me so much of myself. Maybe she's my rachel? Rachel is my sisters best friend and they had met in 7th grade. Kristina and I already have a lot in common, its fun explaining to her the rules of the school. Were the best place to fit in is, and that's with us, because if I don't love ya, I hate ya, and that's not a good thing. I can ruin a persons life just like that, except Abby Digate's she's untouchable and that bothers me.

I should probably mention Aidan, I still like him yes I admit. To start off this paragraph I will say this statement. "My name is Kyleigh and I am a Aidan Addict". Mhm I admit it it's true:)

Well I'm being kicked off now. I'll update sooner than usual, not like last time, because this is my latest post in over a month.

Cya Later
Kyleigh Jewel Sanchez.

Everyday.

This is before.



and this is after.

They both have a message that is wonderful and that we should all have. I really don't have much to say, But I wanted to show you those. I made them with my close friend Claire and I put them here so I know I'll never lose them.

Thank You for listening,
and thank you for staying with me,
Dear God,
You've helped me through the tough times
I'm sorry I never noticed you.

Sincerely
Kyleigh Jewel Sanchez.

Believe me, it hurts.

I've done bad things before. Things that I regret and things I wish I could take back. People have called me ugly and disgusting and stupid. I believe them. When the tears fall at night that's when I believe them. I believe the words I read, the words I hear. Having no one telling me they're wrong just makes me accept it.


I am a slut.
I am ugly.
I am worthless.
I am idiotic.
I am never going to be loved.
I am never going to be cared for.
I am never going to find my one.
I am never going to be his one.
I am nothing.

Nothing in a world of everything. When I look at what people say about me, I don't think they realize what I go through everyday. Everyday knowing that what they say is true. That what they say will always hurt me.

I've never been truly loved. Love is a lie. Lieing will always hurt. Hurt will always kill me. When I'm finally torn apart, will people miss me when I'm gone? When I lay in the coffin cold as ice.

Will you be the people that say "She deserved it."
Or will you be the one that says, "I wish she hadn't gone."

Will you regret what you've said, or will you laugh at me even harder?

Lonelieness doesn't assure life without hurt.
But it assures life without as much hurt.

When you interact with people everyday some of them are going to make fun of me, some of them will give you the horrible looks that make you cringe and want to curl up and walk away.

Well..
I've been hurt way to much. So I'm just taking myself away from what is causing it.
I must leave now.

I love nothing
I love nobody
I will never love anyone.
Because loving someone, gives them more of a change to hurt me. I won't be able to live through that.

Bye.
Kyleigh Jewel Sanchez.

1...2..3..4.. What comes next?

The title really doesn't have a point I know, but it was something to call this. I'm having trouble breathing right now, god damn it I hate this weather :( I'm looking forward to tomorrow though! Sadly I can't tell you why because I don't want anyone to know ;)

~Darling what is going on honestly that never happened lying is your favorite passion~

Oh Escape the fate how I do love you. Speaking of music, I've been listening to this song by Goodnight nurse called My Only. I'm addicted to it now, but when I go to search it up on youtube it comes up as "the only exception" so I kinda get annoyed about that. Sorry if i'm not my "deep" self today. Or at this moment. I'm just really happy. Some days we really do just have days when we are happy for no apparent reason.

I just wanna turn on the radio and dance and sing!

I'm sorry that I really don't have much to say, making this my shortest blog post yet!!

Bye :(
-Ky

Dee... Doo... Sing my own song.

Sing along
To my song
Come and play
We will stay
forever friends
till the end
Dum dee dooo
Dee doo dummm
Dumm daaa doo
La La La La la.

I'm in a mood were nothing mattes. Where the world could end and I'd be humming something no one would expect me to be humming. la.. La la la... La.. La la laaa... La la... laaa..

To much has happened for me to really explain it all. My boyfriend dumped me for good this time and now he's gay, I went to my best friend to talk to and she flipped out on me thinking about how my ex would feel instead of me, I lost all hope in her and now me and her aren't even really friends. I think this guy is going to ask me out and I hope he does, but if he does I'll be scared to say Yes because of what his best friend had did to me. Remember Aidan? Well he's just being plain confusing, He loves me, He hates me, He needs me, He doesn't care for me. I think I'd be better without him. Easier on me

Also Remember Ryan? Well hes talking to me again. I feel like hes trying to direct my life, Like I'm just following his path and not the path I want to follow. I'll break that off sooner or later. I can't have people telling me what I am supposed to do. He's a year older than me, not 10 yrs older. I can tell whats right and wrong. I'm a big girl now! ;)

I lost friends, but I still have some I guess. I stayed close with some people from Winchester, But I never really talk to them except for my main people that IM/Txt me a lot, or email me. Emails are fun to do though, I've never had a friend who I just email instead of talking to them over the phone or something.

I have a lot to say, but to say I have not a reason to say it because it would be giving you to much information and do I need the world knowing every little detail about me? If anyone is still reading, let me know! Its a little creepy when I write a post, it makes me feel like I'm just talking to myself even though I do that a lot. Wrapping this up, thanks for listening, and sorry I haven't said anything in a while. I may not be a famous blogger, but that doesn't mean I'm nothing. I'm a something in a crowd of better something.

Peace Out Girl Scouts and Live life for you because thats what we all deserve!

Te Amo- Rhianna.

Fairy Tales.

I always thought of falling in love as some fairy tale. Like you have some major event were they save you and you live happily ever after. It doesn't work that way though. You could meet your soul mate over the simplest things. If you go to get coffee one day... It could be the person working there.

Life is full of unexplained events, things that make you want to die, things that make you want to cry, and things that you never want to let go of.

I really don't know what to write. Considering my life has been pretty boring lately. No major events have come up.

Caterpillar in the tree
How you wonder who you'll be
Can't go far but you can always dream
Wish you may and wish you might
Don't you worry, hold on tight
I promise you there will come a day
Butterfly fly away.

We all grow up.. It's sad how fast life flies past us. Am I the only one who wonders who I'll be when I grow up? Who I'll love? Who Will Love Me? What My Children will look like? How do we know... I only know that He/She will be beautiful. No Matter how they are I will love them with everything I have. No matter how young I turn out to be I'll never give them away. I will use everything in my power to keep them with me. How could I abandon my child....

Casidania.
Charlie.

Those are my names.. I don't care, they are strong and remind me of that they will be strong. They will grow up with love and know they can depend on me for anything. I will never make them cry. If it is up to me they will smile all the time.

Growing up is hard
but it happens to everyone
We are children ourselves still
but we will watch our own babies grow
Love them with our everything
Then watch them walk away.

Butterfly Fly Away- Miley Cyrus Ft Billy Ray Cyrus.

Happy Birthday Me.

Today is my birthday, I've gotten a lot of "Happy Birthday Kyleigh!"'s. But my boyfriend hasn't said anything to me yet. I haven't even talked to him. Watch when he logs on him completely ignore me. Like I'm not even his girl friend. I'll be alone, I feel alone. I feel idiotic and stupid and retarded.

How can I even let my mind wander into believing that someone LOVES me. Its impossible. I am a bitch. I'm exactly what they tell me, I'm not good enough for anyone. No one. I fall fast and I fall to hard. I cry for days then move on. No one has loved me back, and people lie trough there teeth everyday saying there my "friend". I don't have friends.

I don't deserve friends. They deserve someone better than me. They have people who are better than me. Why they stick by my side through happiness and depression is a mystery to me. I'm unbearable when I get upset, I'm almost always tearing myself down. I wonder if every time they make fun of me they know I'm dieing a little inside. I'm ready to go kill myself, their words hurt so bad.

Stick and bones may break you bones,
But words will never hurt you.

That's a complete lie. Who ever came up with that quote should die in a hole. If that's true, their is something wrong with me. But there is something wrong with me. With who I am. With who I want to be. There is always something wrong with
"Kyleigh Sanchez."
I hate my name. It just shows off my ugliness. Jennifer, or Maria, or Merissa, or Alisa, they all have beautiful names. And look were they are. They're living happy lives with there best friends.

Love will never find me.
Instead I'll sit alone
Regretting so deeply
That I ever let him go.

Eminem- Toy Soldiers.

Sweet Sweet Sounds...

Ive always wanted to learn piano....
It's made me overjoyed when I heard the notes clutter a room, clinging to any emotion you desire. I've always wished I could say I am proud of myself for making beautiful music. For being able to play a variety of songs, no matter what people ask I'd be able to play. It would make me happy to know I had something, something special, that I loved.

The other day my mom scolded me for writing so much. I'm pretty sure she doesn't realize its summer. "You should focus more on your schoolwork." Writing is what keeps me sane, writing what I want to write, writing how I feel. It lets go of the emotions that are unwanted. I think I've explained this all before.

Lately I've been listening to lullaby's, and not ones like Rock a Bye baby. I mean real pieces that make you want to curl up in a ball crying letting go of all those deep thoughts. The kind that make you want to slow dance with the one you love off around your house. The ones that you don't have a choice but to hum along to as it plays, even if there are no words for it you haft to sing.

Bun de dun, dun dun dee, dee dum dun...

Being as emotional as I am I end up crying. Balling my eyes out. Telling everyone I love that I love them, that they ARE special to me, even if I mean nothing to them. Which believe it or not, happens a lot to me. Very few people love me, for who I am. They fall in love with who I pretend to be because I'm scared to show them who I actually am.

If I showed them who I am, they would hate me. I would have no one. Even my family. My family wonders were I got my personality from. I show them who I want to be. Who I wish I was. But who I wish I was, is who I never can be. So I haft to live with my pretend life, hiding my true self.


Bella's Lullaby- Carter Burwhell.

I'm giving up.

I don't know why this time but I'm ready to brake, I'm ready to snap in two. Ready to just go and die. Somethings going through my brain causing me to be so angry and mad at everyone for everything for all the things people have done to me I'm blaming everyone for it, because it is their fault. This isn't my fault that I'm ready to cry it's theirs.

Pain is always caused by someone else.

That's the sad truth. The sad god damn fucking truth. I wish it wasn't. We all aim our anger at other people causing them sadness and hurt and pain.

If we all learned to love each other their would be no more Depression. No more. We all could say that someone loves us.

I am one of the people that feels so upset by these people I really can't tell myself honestly that I am beautiful, That SOMEONE loves me. I can't let myself believe that. I tell myself all the good things but seriously I can't. Rebounding those compliments comes insults.

I want to be destroyed.

I want to be dead.

I want to be loved.


Tree's rustle with the sound of the wind
a soft hum as it blows
Listening in deep thought
Wonder crawls into my mind
Why am I the way I am
Who will end up loving me
When is the right time
What are the right words
Where will it all happen.
I really cannot know
How this will all come together
But I have hope
Hope is all I really need now
Faith as well
Count on faith and my hope
Maybe it will be enough
But how Can I tell?
I can't
I just got to trust
Even if it's hard
I gotta trust.

Love The way you lie- Eminem Ft Rhianna.

I've been searching for Him but it's really a Her.

I'm always complaining about how I don't have a boyfriend. How I'll never find that perfect guy. Maybe I'm looking in the wrong place.


Maybe I should look for a Girl.

I know this girl who is amazing. She's special and perfect in every way. She may wish she was popular and like all those other people but she is wonderful the way she is. If only I could get her to understand that. If I could get her to understand that the way she is now, everything about her is perfect, the way it is. Then maybe I'd make her happy. Happier than she ever seems to be.

I think I love her.

I don't know why. I've never felt this way towards a girl before but this is just different. Maybe what I'm thinking is true.

It might not be a Him. It might be a Her.
Instead of waiting for my prince charming, maybe I should wait for a Princess. Just maybe.


I go outside and look around
The leaves blow slowly with the wind
Looking in a direction
I rarely ever see
no one is there
the pitter patter of the rain begins
Sky's are turning Grey
My eyes shoot up
To see raindrops like bullets of a gun
Shooting down onto the pavement
Standing their I watch
as my clothes absorb the water
I stand and watch
for to me it is all I can do.


Beautiful- Eminem.

2 Days into my vacation.

It's been two days. Two days since school ended. Two days into my summer. Two days less until the seventh grade. I'm scared. Correction I'm not scared. I'm worried. I'm worried about what will happen to me.

I don't know what to write about at this time. I don't really have problems. I'm content with being single right now. I didn't make Jubilation, so what? I got next year. I don't need a guy to be happy. I'm happy with myself. You guys should be to.

Well Me and my best friend Emily are going to see a Justin Bieber concert in November! I'm not really a JB fan, but his songs are catchy, and he's cute. For someone who's 16. He looks like my age, Honestly though if a guy came up to me singing 'Never let you go' or 'One Time' or 'Love me' or 'One Less Lonely Girl' I'd be overly joyed. His songs fill people with hope and someday I wanna do that. With my writing... my family says I might become a Actress someday. I'm good in the drama department. You know what I mean? I've dealt with a lot of stuff. I just realized lately I haven't been writing poetry. Maybe I should try. I don't really have emotions. Maybe that's why. Well it's okay. It's a good thing that I'm happy with life. I haven't had any problems. I haven't been crying. I haven't been lonely. I've been fine. I like being single. I like being here. I like that I'm moving. I like that I'm going to a concert. I like that I'm almost a 7th grader. It's all okay. <3


Soul mates
We all will find ours eventually
I look to the sky's
and swear I see someone
Smiling down at me
But when I look closer
it's only the stars shining a path
for me to walk down
My own special rode
Thinking to my self
I'll always wonder
We're I would go if I took another path
Or if i we're to run into someone
Taking my same way?
To me that's what a soul mate is
Someone you run into
On the way through your life
Someone you don't wanna let go
Someone you can't forget about
It's different from a first love
It's stronger
and you follow them wherever they go
and if you turn away
they'll come following you .
Soul mates.
We all have them.


Never Let you go- Justin Bieber.

Summer.

It's summer now. It started yesterday. Our last day of school. I'm really not ready to grow up. Thinking about all of this has made me cry before. Soon I'll be in high school. Then I'll be out of college. I'll be at the alter with my fiance ready to be married. Then I'll have a little baby on the way. Then I'll watch my baby grow up to. I'll watch him/her standing with his/her fiance getting married. Then I'll watch my baby have its baby. Then I'll die.


Life passes by us so fast we can't even remember it all. We can't remember we're we planned to go. I'm moving away now. I'm leaving the house I've lived in for 6 almost 7 years. It's being taken away from me. I don't know we're I am going now. I don't know we're I'm going to live. But I know I'm going to be moving before the month ends. And that's soon. We're supposed to go to an apartment. But now I realized I don't wanna leave. I don't wanna move on. Life is passing me. Time is hurting me. Summer is here, soon I'll be in 7th grade. With my new teachers. Then It will already be 8th grade. I'm not ready to move on. But I Don't have a choice now do I. I just gotta watch it all go through my eyes. I may be alone now, but I will find someone. I will find someone eventually. I hope eventually is soon. But I doubt that.

I'm not afraid. To Take a Stand.

I'm not going to be afraid anymore. Well not of that. I'm sick of being pushed around. The clicks of my key board is comforting. But I'm going to drift off and set them straight. I'm not afraid. I may be alone for now. But I am not afraid. I won't be afraid again. I promise you that. I'm not going to cry every night, I'll fall a sleep with dignity and I'll awake with power. With strength. With life. I'll act alive. I will know longer hide. I'll stand out in the sun.

I will Survive the horrible, terrible, disgusting, painful, hurtful game that we all call Life.


Not Afraid- Eminem.

Time for me to grow up.

I don't wanna do this anymore..
I don't wanna be the reason why...
Every time I walk out the door...
I see him die a little more inside..

I wish I knew what they thought of me. What they said about me. If they lied to me. If they liked me. If they loved me. If they despised me. If they wished me dead.


I know what I wish for. I wish for love, safety, passion, and I wish for peace. I seem to have none of the above, I get a joke, I get harm, I get loneliness, and I get hate. "Don't let em tell you you ain't beautiful." Eminem, a good wrapped, a friend of mind. I'll never meet him and I'll never tell him my story. But its good to know that someone who has it even harder, manages to get through life.

For me sometimes I wish I would just die. But honestly, death will never be my solution. I look back at time I throw myself against the wall just for the pain, I sit in a corner and cry, I cry until I fall a sleep and I think about what I seem I'll never obtain.

My family always seems like theirs no love. No caring. When I dream I am in my perfect world, were It doesn't matter that I'm so ugly. Everyone is accepting, there I don't need to cry anymore I sing myself to sleep. I don't wish to die. I don't wish to be hurt. My dream world. If I had my own there. I would be perfect.

No one wants to feel the pain of others. But Its been all I can do. I try pushing away my own pain but in return I get the others person, I listen to the problems. I don't want them to be hurt anymore, but its only me being selfish. I don't want to feel the pain anymore. I try to fix it all. I can't, and all it does is hurt me more. I put this on myself every day. I can't remember when I fixed something for myself. I spend all my time working out ways to have friends, and keep the ones I had, or I spend my days day dreaming about the love others have and the love I wish i had. Me I will never get that love.


But I love to watch others. I love watching others fall in love.

P JHZG KQAB RFG AYLQ KPN.

That's my secret language. I made it a little while ago. I really don't know why I did. But heres how it goes...

H=A
R=B
J=C
M=D
Q=E
V=F
C=G
K=H
P=I
X=J
E=K
A=L
N=M
Z=N
Y=O
B=P
S=Q
T=R
D=S
G=T
F=U
L=V
O=W
W=X
I=Y
U=Z

Unfaithful- Rhianna

Victory.

Defeat.

Victory.

We all consider a game to either win, or to lose. Honestly I seem to think their is no win or lose. Equality is my purpose... What am I talking about. As you can tell I want to be number 1. I want to be the best of the best, sadly I could never achieve the goal I am aiming for. Perfect. Remember when I talked all about that? Yep..It's impossible. People say that nothing is Impossible. But Perfection is. Everyone has at least one flaw.

When I "lose" it is depressing. I don't know what your words on it are, but in my opinion I can't stand it. I just wanna smash a wall until I am announced winner. There for I am a sore loser. (It's very smart to let me win :)). Sore losers are people who over react to losing. Who won't deal with a defeat. Who must gain victory. We all have that urge to be competitive and win once and a while. Even the laziest of people want to win at something. Even nerds! They want to win at Video games don't they? They get angry when they can't win. Defeat.


I lose at life.

Everyday I go on living and I really don't know where I'm walking. This year is ending and where have I gone with myself? No where. I complain all the time. The only thing I've gone through with is my Jubilation audition. Yes, I did do it. Yesterday. It was harder than I expected. How many of you actually care? None? Oh well I'm gonna tell you about it anyway. I had to go in, and they were video taping us. I sang my song... But I had to read off music from a sheet... and I have no idea how I was supposed to do that. I tried my best. And maybe..JUST MAYBE I will have a small chance of getting in.

I've never really believed in myself for anything. I've never thought I was good enough to go on with live. To live through the pain. To fix others hurt. To want to love. To need to love. To Be Loved. When I smile I smile for other peoples happiness,and never for my own. I can't remember the last time I smiled because I WANTED to smile. The last time I laughed because I NEEDED to laugh. All I do is write... Writing makes me happy. It takes all my emotions that are unwanted everything that makes me cry everything that hurts me inside every single thing and throws it all away. So all I have is a smile. :)

When I was little I remember sitting up all night crying. Crying because I had no one. Crying because I wasn't pretty enough. Crying because no one cared. Crying because of what they said. I cried until I fell a sleep. Than when I took the 15min walk home from elementary school and I sat down. Took out my homework. And cried about that to. I was so stupid I couldn't even understand what I was doing anymore. What the teachers said, it never got into my head. I never gained knowledge. All these years I've Guessed. But I've gotten along. And I've had a... Okay... Life. So far at least.


When you cry yourself to sleep
You have no where left to turn
Every time its more nightmares
sitting alone in your room
the only sounds being the rain
that drops onto your roof
as you wonder when
someone will finally say
They Care.


Viva La vida- Coldplay :)

I hate him...I hate him not...

You've broken my heart before but yet I go on to love you so strongly. At the same time I can't help but hate you with such a passion. It kills me to know that you might now love me. Does it kill you to know that I might not love you? Honestly I don't know what I'm feeling right now. It could be hatred, love, sadness, anger. It makes me feel pathetic to know I barely can recognize my own emotions.

Sad
Mad
Glad
Happy
Depressed
Joy
Sadness
Trust
Disgust
Fear
Anger
Surprise.

Their are so many names for the different things we feel. It's impossible to name them all, we all feel something new everyday, and we really can't imagine how other people feel either. We just guess and hope for the best. What they're feeling might be completely different to how they appear on the outside. Is it just me or do you wonder to about what people are thinking, the second the look at you. Do you wish that even for a minute you could travel inside someones mind to see what they see and to feel what they feel. Their pain is your pain. Their happiness is your happiness. The main emotions I guess would be, Sad, Mad, Happy, Scared.

Sad. We all know the feeling, feeling it at different times for completely different reasons. For me..Well that's kinda personal. But I know when I feel that way I cry, I'll cry for hours and all I want to be is alone. Even though I'm always complaining about how I hate being alone and How i don't want to be alone it feels good to be alone. Somewhere were no one can see you and no one can tell you what to do and what to think where to go where not to go. I wish I had that everyday, But life doesn't call for that now does it?

Happy. A bright smile on your face and laughter bursts out of you uncalled for. When your around your closest friends and your all giggling over inside jokes. Making each other feel so special. When your at the top of the world and nothing can tear you down. Playing catch, having a all night phone conversation with the one you adore. You feel enlightened. Brightened. Happy.

Mad. The feeling that makes you wanna punch somebody in the face till they feel the way you feel. When you can't stand to look at anyone and all you wanna do is punch the wall over and over again so even it might feel the pain you feel. Rage. Trying to transfer that pain to anything else so you don't have so much and it completely takes over your thoughts and then you just... Lose Control.

Scared. God this is an easy one. I'm feeling it right now. Your stomach drops. You go pale. You change your mind. Whatever your thinking goes blank. "I Don't wanna do this anymore." I have my jubilation auditions on Tuesday. I can't help but be scared, nervous.

With my Jubilation I've been practicing long and hard for it. Like i said before. It's really important to me. If i don't get in I'll be crushed. But I won't show it. Obviously I won't That would make everyone right about me. Wouldn't it?

Or would it just prove my point?

I'm a loser.





Song For post..

Breakeven :)

Sweet..Sweet..Boredom.

Boredom. A terrible disease that has very few cures and everyday people are cursed to catch it. But luckily I have the cure for this very very horrible disease! Marshmellows :O) Well, marshmellows and mini golfing. Those are some of the very few cures for boredom. I am glad I have come to a conclusion where I can fix my ishues. Also, I blog. Blogging is the best thing I have since your always listening, or are you? I really don't know. I get no response from you guys.. Oh well. You haft to be listening. Otherwise I'm just a pathetic loser who types on this every day/ every other day. I really pour my heart out on this thing. My opinion on life. It seems like it actually counts when I put it up on here. Maybe it does.

Well, 2 days until Jubilation auditions.

Watch me be a failure and totally drop out like I go up there smile and then leave because I can't find the courage to do it. I'm so scared. I know the song perfectly, and I've practiced long and hard. I really wanna get in, its my goal. Im almost positive I won't though. Sadly a lot of kids are trying out, and most of them are a lot better than I'll ever be. I still have a chance though!

If I get in I'd be screaming at the top of my lungs crying because I'm so proud of myself for even trying to get in and I'd dance and laugh and my life would be good for that moment at least.

If I don't get in I'll look over and say "told you so", brush it off and move on with life. I can try again next year but still. Whatever. Its not a big deal If I'm not good enough for it. More free time for me, along with less responsibility and I have more choices to go on, more clubs I can attend, etc.

It kinda depends on my choices to were I end up.

Live Life
Laugh Hard
Stay True
Be You.

That's my modo, and it's true. We gotta learn to live life, and forget about what has hurt us the most. Learn to be yourself and whoever likes you, you have the pleasure of knowing that they like you for you and not what you pretend to be. I rather have a thousand people hate me and a couple of people like me for who I am then have a thousand people like me for what I keep pretending to me. I think that's how everyone would want it. Don't you think?



Laugh when You need to laugh
and smile when you need to smile
Cry to make yourself feel better
and don't let them even have the pleasure
happiness will always find its way
into your life exspecially when you need it.

:)

Song for post..
um...
um....
ummm....


IDK! :P

Cya.

That Boy...Lets trade?

Well, My girls..
In the next room..
Sometime I wish she was you..
I guess we never really moved on.


That's the song I haft to sing for my Jubilation auditions. On tuesday. 3 days. From now. I memorized the whole thing. Well at least the first 2 parts of it. It reminds me of this guy...who I'm in love with. But he's my friend boyfriend. And I'm screwed. If she reads this I'm honestly like dead. I can't ever have her find out I'm in love with him...I'd be hated, why do I get in these situations? I guess I'm just a failure at life. I always have been havn't I!!

Told You So.

Didn't I? I gave you reasons over and over again why I'm not good enough for anyone. Not even my boyfriend, whos a perverted abusive sex addict. I hate it. I wanna end it so bad but I just can't get the guts to. He dosen't even talk to me anymore.. I was in love with. But now..I'm just not. He changed and so did I. He became a pevert, and I became more independent. I think he knows how I feel about this whole thing as well, and he knows that this isn't gonna last to long. Fml. I need to tell him this. What if he really dosen't know how I feel....He'd probably try and fix it. Try and make everything better. It wouldn't work out that way though. It can't be fixed...I wish I could I wish I could love him the way he seems to love me. But honestly I just don't feel that way..He's just...I can't.....I...I wish I could! I wish I could just go back before he hurt me so bad on Christmas eve and love him like that. I was head over heels for him but it just didn't work out...for him. He was "Immature" but I was stupid. If he hadn't changed things would be fine. If he hadn't hurt me life would be good and I would be so happy.


I really don't know What I'm supposed to say for a poem this post. I have nothing to write, well nothing more than what I poured into up there. But if it helps make up for it I have a song, the same one I am singing for Jubilation try outs (select chorus) :)


Lips of an Angel- Hinder.

Pretend.

Lets all pretend....
to be happy...
Completely happy...
Nothing but bliss....
Just for today....
Even if tomorrow...
Brings sorrow...

I feel like All I've been doing is pretending. Pretending the I care. Pretending that I'm there. Pretending That I'm good enough. Pretending I'm in love. Honestly I don't know what I'm feeling. It's a new thing. It hurts though. I feel pain and I feel depression.. I should be thrilled. I should be in utter bliss. But I'm just not, I don't feel as strongly as I did before.

You are the brightest star and I'm in love with who you are...

Whenever I talk to him. He says that's true. But I don't believe it. I want to so badly. But I can't believe how anyone could truly love me..for well...me. I'm nothing in the world of everything. If I die nothing would change, I mean so less to the society of earth that I should just go and die. Shouldn't I?


Drop..
I look out the window.
To see the small droplets forming.
and to watch them hit the ground.
As they come down faster
The more into my thought I go.
The more I tend to think
Of all the possibilities
of where I could end up in life.
My mind takes over my life
I do not see anything...
But I hear the deep thoughts
That always remain in the back..
What will happen if I make one wrong decision
will my life become nothing..
or has it always been nothing..
like they all tell me.
I don't know which way to go now.
So I sit watching
Those droplets
Fall down my windowsill.


White Lines and red Lights- Between The Trees.

Things Are Going Good. For now.

A lot has happened sweethearts.

Did ya miss me? I doubt it.

Guess What Guys! I got a Boyfriend. Maybe I'm not such a pathetic loser as I seem to be. I told you bout the guy that broke my heart and dumped me on Christmas Eve right? Ya I got back together with him. Stupid decision, but a part of my heart never was able to say Goodbye. I couldn't help but ask him back out . I love him! But I love you all to. :) Ryan, that's his name has always been here to listen. He's not the cutest of people but he's been close to my heart for a long time. Since October at least. Longer than I've known my best friend, Selena. She is seriously my everything, without her I'd be no one I'd be alone. I wouldn't have Ryan right now because without her I wouldn't have anything to talk about with Jordan and last night I had a sleepover with Jordan who got me to ask out Ryan again. So. I owe it all to Selena for my happy life <3

I feel like I'm gonna be hurt again, Like this is just another pointless joke and I'll be with no one and be alone again. For now I'm giving it a try, because Honestly I do love him. I just can't tell him that. It would be weird...I'm gonna ease up on the whole Love thing. Love is a difficult thing to explain. You just know what you know and what you know is what you stick to. What I know now, is that I love him and now he's mine. This time I won't screw it up, I'm gonna back off and not be so obsessive. When I first dated him I was ALL OVER him. Nonstop missing him, nonstop talking to him, always wanting him to call me, always begging him to stay. This time I'm gonna be normal. If he says he loves me I'll agree and repeat the same words back. For now I stay...Quiet. Ya that's a good word to use. Quiet.

Did I mention, I just got back from watching Fireworks with my friends Jordan+Emily and this new awesome 5th grade Mikey! Mikey really can sing, and I mean he's REALLY good at it. His brother asked me out once...his brothers in 9th grade....Awkward. But I like Mikey. NOT IN THAT WAY. He's the new Brendan P. :)

I just realized its 11:17. I missed 11:11 :( My wish would be for him to come on and talk to me! But I'm not gonna let anyone know that..Except you guys :) Promise to keep my secrets? Okay Good. Well I think I've bored you enough with my long details of how I feel.

Poem for Post!

I'm In Love
For The Last Time
and For the First Time
I never stopped
He was My One
But It went on
and On
He broke my heart
It shattered with a pow
I never was able to repair
But I regained his love
and Finally
I start over with what I say
Three words begin the relationship
I Love You.


Song Of the post:
Fer Sure- Medic Droid. :0)

Ttyl Guys :)

Nothing New.

Like Up There. Nothing's new. List of events Below..

1. Still Single.

2. Like the guy who's taken.

3. Sleepover tomorrow.

4. My Best Friend got sued.

5. I started using my twitter, and made a tumblr.

6. Got a lot more facebook friends.

7. Cried some more.

8. Almost got my poetry published.

9. Was called a no good slut.

10. Beat the crap out of a popular girl.


And ya that's basically it. I've been love struck, but no one can say they are love struck for me. Because I'm unlovable! Yay for Unlovable! What else am I supposed to say? I really have not a clue. Sorry for not posting (no one reads this anyway.) And um.. I Love You All, even if I don't hate myself. It's not true! You can love someone if you don't love yourself. I do it every single day.


My Poem for the post.

A Game

Love Hurts.
Loneliness Kills.
Happiness Dies.
So Lets All Agree To Forget .
Like Everyone does Eventually.
No one Actually Cares.
Its A Game.
A Game to Me.
And A Game to You.


Song for the post: Bleeding Love- Leona Lewis/ Fall for you- Secondhand Serenade.

Drifting Off...

Ahh...Drifting off.

Day dreaming.
Happiness.

When I day dream I smile and I'm as happy as could be, All my dreams are a reality and I've found love. I'm rich and have him by my side, 1 little girl beautiful as could be. A house by the beach. Late nights spent just staring at the waves, falling a sleep to the wind whistling the tree's. My perfect life. My dream. To have that a handsome husband were nothing could get better than it already is.


My Life Is A Smile.
Until I wake up. Snap back to my life. Where I'm alone.
No one to say They love Me. No one to tell me that they care. That they're there for me. For who I am. No one to say I'm one of the most beautiful people they no. I stand alone. Hoping one day my Day dream's will be my reality.


Poem for The Post...

A Wish
If they all came true
The world would be happier
and life would be good
Smiles would overtake the world
Loneliness would be a disease solved
and instead of tears
We'd shed love
Instead of drugs
We'd all hug
Instead of death
We'd all live.
In peace and Harmony
No more wars
Everyone would be friends
Appearance would mean nothing
Everyone would hold hands
all around the world
Singing in the harmony
of Love.


I'm Gonna Start putting Songs for the post :)
Song Of The Post- Airplanes- B.O.B Ft Hayley Williamson. <3

When a smile....

When a smile takes your breath away somethings going down. Something special to you making you happy as well. Speechless and breathless. Joy fills your system and everything's great.

But

When a smile make you cry. Your alone, your watching the others enjoy there lives so happily. When you have no one, and the happiness and smiles around you leaves you with no other option to cry. We've all been there.

But

When a smile comes on the face of the one you love... Your mind goes blank and all you can think about is them. How happy you are and how much you want that for them. You want them to be happier than you will ever be. You wanna see that smile everyday.

But

When your smile makes them cry. All you wanna do is Die.



A powerful thing is love. Love is the heart and soul of most. It's what makes life joyful and once you've had it it's the only thing you crave. You wish for it constently. Without it your Broken. Alone. We all want someone even if you had to travel the world to find them you would. Anything for Love. Love. A word that is over used and now it's meaning has faded away, but you know when you feel so strong for one person, when they're always on your mind and nothing else is able to enter your mind can't concentrate on anything. When they're near you they're the only one you look at. Can't take your eyes away, even if they notice you you'll continue staring. A spell put over you that's what it is. It always will be.


My poem for this postt

My Love
Is sheds tears
giving out affection to everyone
but never recieving enough
Enough to survive
it's slowly dieing out
leaving me alone
It needs love
It's starving now
When it's gone
It won't come back
Don't leave me with no one
and Nothing
I can't die now
I need the smile
to bring me back to life
I've never really lived
I've just been dead.


-Ky <3

Myspace WHA?

Haha I'm making a Myspace RIGHT now, I really don't understand WHY I'm doing it, But I am. I have nothing better to do with my time. Well now I've failed at making a Myspace so ya now what! Todays topic. Well today I really don't have one. I've had a regular day which consists of...

1. Waking up.
2. Laying in bed till 6:30am.
3. Getting up.
4. Getting ready.
5. Eat breakfast
6. Wait till 7:15am.
7. Get Up my mom.
8. Get driven to school.
9. Hang around in bathroom
10. Go through school.
11. Go to detention.
12. Go to library.
13. Beg for a ride from a friend.
14. Get a ride home.
15. Go on Computer

and Now I'm posting. So, I was threatened to be killed. It was sad how he thinks he can hurt me. Plus he's obsessed and won't leave me alone. I'm thinking he just overly likes me and now I kinda wanna kill him so lets hope this is all one huge joke for him and the police won't haft to get involved. So Ya..
My poem for today vvvvv


Heart
Hanging from the tree's
Grabbing hold
of all the little leaves
Holding tighter
Never seeming to seize
The love you hold close
you watch all the kids just tease
but you'll never give up
You see
You were meant to love
You were meant to be
The one that never gives up
So just keep hanging to the tree's
Love will find it's passion
don't worry one bit
It might come in a unfamiliar fashion
but just don't flip
for you'll have such compassion
That love will have its toll
don't worry don't use ration
It will find your way into the soul.


I'm pretty sure that poem makes no sence but till next time
-Ky :)

Live For Life Because Life Is About Love.

Love. An Interesting thing isn't it? It fills you with Joy, then smashes you hopes and dreams to the ground. When your without it you wish for it constantly and when you have it you hold on to it as tightly as you possibly can. You have that one person that's always on your mind. Your heart sinks when they leave but when they're near you life can't be greater. You want to hear there voice all the time and you never can stop thinking about them. You want them to hold your hand and always comfort you.

Today. I've been thinking about LOVE. Love being a keyword. It's been on my mind all day. Especially since the one I love with a passion the one that's always on my mind and he's the cutest boy you'll ever meet and he's just plain amazing his smile will take you on a trip light years away even when he looks at you his loveliness just overwhelms your soul and if you look in his eyes you automatically wish he was yours but he doesn't want to be yours so you cry at night wishing one day that will change and his smell is just so good you've become addicted to it and need him everyday of your life... Wait..that's just for me. He wears cologne though so don't think I'm like mad creepy stalker girl! :) He's perfect. Well not perfect, but different. Different in the best way possible. Anyway My poem for today...


Love.
A smile comes across your face
You turn to look his way
He smile melts your heart
and you can't turn away
He always seems to take apart
of everything you say
Turning your frowns into smiles
He takes apart of every day
Even if your walked a thousand miles
He'd never ever stray
When with him you always feel like a small child
Never to be betrayed.

That one sucked x] I try <3 But
for now
GoodBye
Ky :)

A Smile A Frown But Nothings Left.

I smiled today. I frowned today. I cried today. I hated today. I loved today. I needed today. What is left? Again there is nothing. I'm left alone, well in my mind I am.

I'm going to start off with something that I was told. "Kyleigh, One day your going to be a Beautiful Butterfly and everyone will wish they we're you. Right now your only a caterpillar. Don't fret. You'll grow." It makes me happy to think I'll maybe one day be beautiful. Be smart and fun to be around. Be perfect.

Perfect. It's a odd word. A word that basically has no meaning. Being perfect, there is really no such thing. Everyone has flaws and pains and depression somewhere inside. Everyone has hurt no one can be happy all the time. Perfection is a word used to put others down.. When they're not alike the popular crowd is "Perfect". We all want to be the perfect one. But they're is no such thing. Perfection is Impossible to attain. No dought about that.


Anyway My poem for this blog.
I actually have a title!

Perfection

We all stand in one unity.
My Bad
We all wish we stood in one unity.
We all want the perfect living
Life without the pain
Without the heartbreaks
When your alone
You want someone to be there
to hold you hand
to say it's gonna be alright.
But sadly that won't always happen
For a time you'll be alone
You'll cry for hours.
and wish to be dead.
But death is not a solution
Even though you always will hear
about the people who snap
Snap in 2
All they can think of
Is death
Where do you go?
Do you go up?
Do you go down?
Do you start over?
Or do you just vanish?
Perfection is Impossible.
Don't aim for it
Unless you wish for the failure
That will cause the hurt
and Pain
and Sorrow
and despair
even the lucky ones
will never be perfect.
If you love yourself
You'll find it in someone else.


-Ky

Poetry and Throw Up!

Yes Isn't that title just calling out to you? Let me explain. Today I went to the fair wit Tay-Tay and everything and first it was great! But I threw up on one of the rides and it went poo...Then I went out the Ferris wheel wit ELMO!!! Eek! That was fun :) Pics VVVVV











The First Pic is when we we're on the Farris wheel, I'm the one with the Hoodie :) My friend is on the other side you can't really see her. The 2nd of is just of Awesomeness Elmo himself! And The 3rd pic i thought was Uber pretty because I took it while we we're at the top of the Ferris wheel <3

Alright That's the FIRST part of my post explaining my trip to the fair and about elmo eek!

Second Part is about poetry!! It's official and obvious that I love writing poetry and rhyming and speaking my mind so, Every post at the bottom I'm gonna add in a little poem to tie it up, Oh ya and I'm gonna try to get pictures in the post's to!

Anyway My poem for this post v

When your frown
Is bigger than your smile
and you feel
That no one will be there
I guarantee
you'll find the one you love
In those moments
When you least exspect it
And your alone with fear
Your Soul mate will be walking along
Wondering about what they fear
and you will notice
that they're yours
from the second you look in there eyes
Love at first sight
I do believe it's true
I saw his eyes
I thought he was mine
I loved him with a passion
That could of killed others
But he left me heartbroken
but one person was there
and always has been
He's been my shining armor
and my night time lullaby
Knowing that he's there
and knowing that he cares
I drift softly into a dream
That shows me
With him
As soul mates.

-Ky

A Post I write A Post It's true a Post i Write Just For You!

Yep, I start off with a Rhyming title! Speaking of I feel like writing today once again Poetry, but first let me fill you in On my plans. Today I have nothing to do, but I made it that way purposely Saturdays are my lazy days! Tomorrow I'm going to a fair that's in the next town over, and My friend and I are going on this ride called the Zipper, if you haven't heard of it already It's a ride where the put you and 1-2 other people and they close the door then spin you all around, Upside down, left, right. It's really scary but so much fun. Anyway Rhyming poem will be down there
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Little Little Star
Shining through the night
How to you stay there
Shining oh so bright
Do you ever leave?
Or are you out of sight?
Little Little Star
can you see me watching
Can you see the cars?
Can you see the roads?
Can you see the tar?
Little Little Star
Do you ever rest?
Are you always shining?
Do you haft to take yearly tests?
Do you have competitions?
To tell who shines the Best
Little Little Star
Aren't you oh so bothered?
With everyone staring at you?
Do you ever feel smothered?
Little Little Star
Oh How you shine so bright
To me it's a mystery
How you use so much might.

Writing For the Hurt.

Right about now I feel alone. Worthless, Stupid, Idiotic, Ugly, and any thing you can think of that relates around those area's. I guarantee that I'm the ugliest in my school. Look around, they're Gorgeous while I'm that "Sunshiney Emo" So whatever. Life Sucks It always had, I saw like 12 people dancing together at the slow dance, I was ready to cry from being alone my friend was like the same way...But she doesn't know what It feels like so. I'll just deal with it, the guy i like i got over him. And I think I like this one guy...but he'd never like me. And He likes my friend and I don't even hang with him and he's kinda weird and he'd never go out with me. So Ya :( I hope he doesn't read this... he might.. Hm. Oh well he won't know it's him! I'm gonna name him Phil off of my nothing child. Well tomorrow I'm going to the fair with Taylor (I think) and speaking of so many people we're dancing together... At the dance there was
Dylan+ Natalia.
Hannah+ Ryan
Abby D+ Jake
Abby C+ Trevor
Tom Dw+ Lexi
then there was a bunch of 7th graders dancing to. To be honest I was jealous of them. On how they had someone, I wish if you danced with someone you were automatically dating them. Then I'd be dating Aidan....But he was paid. I still cry over that :( But what do you guys care? Mhm thought so. Well It's been a Long night. BTW My play went great!! My sister and her friends were there and My dad showed up to :) I memorized every single line! Yay for me! Hehe. I wish my friends had gone though, they were all at the dance. So Now I wish thee a Goodnight and a Happy life because I'm ready to cry and My eyes are red from being tired and I'm kinda hungry and I've been saying and to much. <3

Ky
Night <3

I have not a clue what title I should Use.

Like I said. No clue what to name this post because so far. I have not one clue what's gonna go into this post. So now I go ahead and write my mind freely! :)

On the first note I'm really sad right now, I haft to skip the LAST dance on Friday :( I have a play to do and I'm a pretty crucial part. If it last's more than a Half an hour I can't go at least. Otherwise I'll just be running to get to our school for the dance. I don't know how many people are going though...All I know is that the guy I'm in love with is going and yet he said no so I can't have him so I don't even really wanna go anymore. Anyway the play I'm in is called "The Final Dress Rehearsal." It's a play about the Final rehearsal of "Cinderella". Since it's only 9 people tops in the play everyone either doubled up or has a major part. I doubled up on The younger sister and Older sister, and believe it or not I have A LOT of lines.

Now secondary I'm crushed. And I did something really bad. But I can't tell anyone what I did bad so you guys are just gonna haft to live clueless. Lets just say....SOMETHING REALLY BAD. Now I feel all guilty about it so Pooey :(

Third-ary facebook has finally not consumed my entire life! YAY! I've been reading a good book it's called "The Memory Keepers Daughter". I started crying when Dr.Henry just gave away his little girl to Caroline without even consulting Norah about it...It's just so stupid about how people give there children away to some place they don't even know about.


Anyway Now Me Is Done :)
Ky is OUTT!

A day like no other...Except Today I'm alone.

Yes. I Believe today I'm alone, but not like "I have no friends I hate life" Even though I don't and I do...I meant more of a "Moms At work and I stayed home today" alone. The House is to myself right now <3 Cocoa Pebbles lay right in front of me so now I smile because well... I'M COO COO FOR COCOA PEBBLES! Yes, Pebbles are much better than Puffs. I'm not in a writing mood today... Actually I am. But I'm in the mood for writing poetry. So I'm gonna write a couple of different poems for the rest of this post. So enjoy :)

Staring

I see you looking over
Like I'm not even there
Pointing and laugh
with all your little friends
You probably think I have no feelings
Like I really just don't care
But to be honest
I really do care
They tell me I'm different
Well guess what we all are
If someone is not different
Then they are the ones who are.
We all have our own lives
None exactly the same
Some turn out better
And some turn out in pain
but people keep on crying
Because know one bothers to Love
While the people laugh at that person
Because they're just not good enough
I know many of those people
Who sit in bed at night
Crying there eyes out
Because they're left alone
When no one will tell them they're good enough
and no one will say that they care
It results in Distress
Distress and Despair.
No one has bothered
to utter 3 simple words
I love You
is all the need
But instead they just stay hurt
I know these people
just a little to well
Because believe or not
I tend to be
Like those people.
I am
One of those people.


Teardrop

Oh Little Teardrop
How I always see you there
Oh How I watch you Plop
with all the words of despair
On to the ground you drop
While no one can compare
To how it must feel
To watch you hit the floor
Putting your heart in steel
and watching the one you love go out that door.
Now you have nothing, No appeal.
And now you just stay there waiting for more.
The Despair Is Never Ending.
So now it just stays Pending.
With nothing more
Than that little teardrop
Heading for the door.

OMG! It's may already??

Wow time really does fly!! It's Already May, Spring is here and guess what, It's hot as hell down here!! (or up depending where u r!) A guess a hot spring means that one Brutal summer is coming. Great exactly what I need, and guess what! I'm moving :) My life long dream is finally coming true!! Well Sort of. For the summer I'll be living in one of my moms properties down in Burlington, then we're gonna try to find another place in Winchester so I don't haft to change schools. I honestly hope my mom snaps to reality and realizes we WANT to switch schools and WANT a brand new start and everything. Plus that property in Burlington is suppost to be Uber nice with a swimming pool and everything. Can't wait!!!! Well...After the packing i can't wait!!

Anyway List Of Events DUN DUN DUUUNNN!!!
These are things that have happened all through the time I didn't post! :)

1. I got a boyfriend!! (Yippe!)
2. My tutor had to move back to college :'(
3. My boyfriend dumped me!! (Huge story behind that.)
4. A new kid came to the school!!
5. I actually Enjoyed detention!!
6. I was rejected by the guy I love :(

and much more
But those are the basics :)
Tonight there's a talent show and I REALLY REALLY wanna go, But i have no way to get there...or get back...So I'm stuck. Well Till a later post

Happy Spring Guyz!!! :)

Facebook! Yes, I AM Addicted.

Hey! Ya, Once again I'm writing this Pointless thing that barely Anyone reads. I'm also stalking people's profile on Facebook! Woop Woop! Haha, Right now I believe I am waiting for my boyfriend, and yes HE asked ME out, Which i still don't understand WHY he would. But never the less I'm extremely happy that he did. Oh ya, ITS FINALLY VACA <3 Spring break For the win! A whole week of relaxation (well not really), I already have tons...and tons of plans, but left open early Monday and Tuesday for him ;). Science project due Wednesday after break. I hope these days are the LONGEST of my life!!!

On Other Hands, Isn't facebook Addicting? Seriously. I'm on it like everyday...and from what I can tell so are a lot of other people. I update my status like every hour but that's probably just because I have no life. At all. Which is another reason every one hates me! Fun. Hm...I wanted to write about something but i can't seem to remember what that was. Oh well, I'll just talk about Vaca? Yes yes yes. Sounds nice. My boyfriend said maybe that would could go to the movies so I'm looking forward to that....Except this Kid might "come along" Which would suck big time. I just don't wanna be mean and say something about it. I guess I'll deal if he ends up coming along, It probably won't even happen anyway. Just like one of my best friends, she said 2 months ago that she'd come down for the weekend but never responded to my message about when and how she's gonna get here. Another pointless and upsetting disappointment to come my way, so i shouldn't get my hopes to high for THIS event. Especially since I'd be crushed even more since its
1. At the movies, which i rarely get to go to.
2. With my boyfriend, Who i love so very much, I just can't tell him that now can I?
So like I said. I'll just forget about the whole thing, and if he mentions it and says he still wants to go then I'll go and have a great time (i hope). I have no clue what we would even see anyway, we'd probably end up skipping the movies and go downtown or something. The problem is the popularity level in my school, I hit rock bottom, and he's close to the top, so he'd probably be embarrassed to go out in public with me anyway. Oh well at least he's dating ME. A loser. With no friends. And No life. Now what should I write about...Oh ya! My best friend <3 Well she IS my best friend, but she lives sooo far away from me. Like literally in a different country. I live in the USA she lives in Canada. :( I hope someday I'll get to meet her because she's always been here for me and i always return the favor. Anyway once again this is a pointless entry in a pointless blog that no one will ever read! Now i go!

P.S Word of the days is.....Sheugs! <3


Luvin U Guys!
-Ky :)

What to do, What am i suppost to do.

Well right now. I'm bored. ONCE AGAIN. I usually am. Nothing to do. Not a lot of friends. And Well. What else do you expect? My sister went ahead and cut my bangs. Great, they look more awful-er than usual. Believe me. They always look like shit. Fml. Now i can't do anything about it so I don't care. Life sucks. Doesn't it? There's no point unless you have someone to love. I'm that person who will never find any. So I have no point I have no love I have no life. Did I mention I'm in love with my Ex-Boyfriend who lives a entire state away, which would be a 20 hour drive on my calculation from my town to his but considering i live on the far east of my town it would add a extra 20 minutes to the drive? Ya that would be something to share. I always felt a blog was for expressing, but really what does a young girl have to express? A lot more than anyone would think. Think being that keyword there.

What to write...Well today my whole Team had a lunch in, in our library. I made a salad. Believe it or not it was the most appetizing looking salad there. I was pretty pleased with myself and had a bowl of it. It was delicious AND Nutritious! It was this whole thing based on the book "Chew on This" Great book by the way I actually enjoyed reading it. But probably because it gives you the straight out fact instead of avoiding all the stuff about those fast food companies. I've been a vegetarian for a while now but seriously I was convinced after that. Don't take this as advertising that book or something. I just really like the book. Who's gonna actually read this anyway? No one? Thought so sweethearts. I really have nothing better with my life then to right out what I'm thinking and stuff. But honestly I just like to express my self. I believe the best part of my day was...Hm...Well....When i went and sat next to this guy will during our 7th period class because i had some things to do in English..and he was right next to me, he's really cute to :) but like i said. No one could like me that way. Pssh I'm to ugly for them. Haha. Well now I'm out of things to write, and I've said the word "well" WAY to many times. Ttyl.

Always Lovin
-Ky
:)

At Thy Library.

Yes Right Now I'm at the library. Extremely bored. So i came up with a list of a bunch of things to do at the library if you ever find yourselves in MY situation. Some of them require friends but who cares! Gives your something to do? Am i right? I'm right! :D

1. Go around and count the librarians that are roaming around. Then the ones sitting at a desk. Then multiple it by 3. Divide it by 2. And scream the number in someones face.

2. Ask every librarian there name. Then going to a different librarian ask if they know the other librarians name. If they don't do go ahead and inform them.

3. Use a computer!! If you don't have your library card type in a bunch of random numbers. It usually works.

4. Pick the two main floors and play hide and seek! The more people the funner it is ;]

5. Play the Multiple personality's game! Its when you have conversations with yourself...and your other self.

6. Go up to someone around your age that you've never seen in your life, then ask them to be your best friend. If they say yes embrace them in a hug then walk away straight faced. If they say no start to cry hysterically. If someone asks you what's wrong smile widely and ensure that nothings wrong.

7. Play the quiet game! If anyone comes in 2 feet of you whispering, talking, or even breathing loudly. Scream that they're distracting you. Then if your bothered by the librarians tell them your just trying to do your work.


Well I do those things a lot, and its actually sooo much fun to enjoy those activities! :D <3 Hope you guys get a chance to use em :]

Luv Ya Always
Ky :]

Starting Off?

Well. If you ask me, I don't do much Blogging. Or really anything at all like this. I've been bored, and really I like writing. (most of the time) so I thought "Hm, why not?". Probably No one will read this anyway. So why not just go ahead and express myself!

Starting off. My name is Kyleigh. K-Y-L-I-E. But spell t differently. I'm a 6th grader. In my opinion I have no friends. I'm obsessed with the guy I like, and just broke another guys heart, and now no one will talk to me because of it. Most of the time I feel alone, I write poetry which has made a lot of people cry. So now I keep it to myself. I rather not go into further exsplination. To make things clear early Music is practically my life, that and the computer/phone. My cell is always right by me or in my hand otherwise I get a empty feeling. What am i to expect? It makes me feel like I actually have something to do with my life. I really have no point for this and no clue what I'm spos't to write. So I guess for now this will be it? Wait. Nah. I got some things to say. Right now I'm a sped, and my "tutor" as I like to call it is going to go back to her college and finally become a teacher! Yippe! But now all my teachers are worried that I'll stop doing my homework. But whatever, I only skipped homework because I didn't feel like doing it. If i really wanted I could do it. Now I really have no choice but to work on it. Whatever, I'll get over it. So this weeks mayjor important to everyone of my teachers because my "tutor" is leaving and I'm not gonna do anything I'm supos't to and on and on. I skipped today (Monday) because for the first time in my life allergies kicked in! Yay for me. :p. So my mom got once again a phonecall being yelled at because its such a important week for us. I really am not interested in this crap so I just nodded and was like "alright". I can't wait till the school years over. Duh, why else would it matter? Anyway I'll post tommorow. But really is anyone gonna read this? Probally not.

Always Lovin
Ky :]